'Oh God, I don't feel good. Look, my thumbs have gone weird!'

I'm terribly sorry, but today's post is not going to be a belter. I have the most spectacular hangover in living memory, and its rather inhibiting my neuronal functions. I've barely mustered the strength to eat some soup today. Its that bad.

So, here are some thoughts in a handy, easy-to-write list;

1) I'm currently watching a charity football match on ITV4 arranged in honour of Sir Bobby Robson. If you don't know who he is, just take my word for it that he's a legend. Its England vs Germany, and as is the form with these games, the sides are made up of ex-professionals and celebrities. This bizarre arrangement means you get to see fat old footballers run up and down a pitch with the likes of Angus Deyton, Craig David and Jimmy Nail. Yes, Jimmy Nail. I know.

2) Some people in my house are talking about playing board games later. I hate board games. I can't express to you enough how much I detest the very thought of them. So, I'm somehow going to have to summon the energy to go out this evening.

3) If I do manage to go out, it will be to a very cool sounding gig featuring Claire Teal and Pee Wee Ellis. Claire Teal is a fairly famous jazz singer, while Pee Wee Ellis, as well as having a fantastic name, is an absolute legend. While you may not be familiar with him, you will know his music. He's the man with whom James Brown co-wrote many of his songs, including Cold Sweat and Say It Loud, I'm Black and I'm Proud. According to Pee Wee (his real name's Alfred, by the way. If you saw him, you'd know his nickname is ironic), James Brown would come in to the room and grunt some sounds, and it was his job to try and turn those grunts in to music. And a bloody good job of it he did too.

4) I've recently joined Twitter. I'm still forming my opinion on it at the moment, but I must say I do enjoy the fact that I now know that Rob Brydon got clamped ('car, not nipples!') the other day, while Richard Herring is frantically trying to find the best way of distributing Hitler moustaches to every member of the audience of his new comedy show. And yes, of course I'm following Stephen Fry.

5) If you weren't sure, the quote in the title is from Withnail and I, possibly one of the finest films ever made. If you haven't seen it, please do.

That's all I have to contribute today. I need a lie down.