'Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be...'

One of my favourite pursuits is the 'Crap Look-a-likes' game. Its a very easy game for two players or more, and all you really need is a crowded area, an awareness of popular culture, and the ability to see.


I'm sure you've already grasped the premise without me going in to the finer details, but I cannot explain to you the endless amount of fun I've had with this. The basic version involves finding people in the crowd who might just about pass for a celebrity, or someone all players know personally. Simple. But, my favourite variation is the 'Breakdown' look-a-like, someone who could actually be a certain person, had they had an incredibly bad couple of years. The wife's left them, the house has been repossessed, the dog's died, they've been off work with stress, they've dabbled with smack but now they're clean, that sort of thing. The last time I played this particular version was at Glastonbury Festival, a hotbed for civilised society's 'forgotten people'.


So, imagine my delight when I stumbled across this website. Its a whole world of crap look-a-likes, with no shortage of the 'Breakdown' variety either. If you haven't time to browse, here are some of my personal favourites. Please bear in mind, these are all REAL, PROFESSIONAL look-a-likes, who get paid MONEY to look like famous people;



SAMUEL L. JACKSON - basically a black man in golfing gear and sunglasses. No, hang on, that's wrong. Basically a black man, in smart-casual clothing, holding a golf bag, with ONLY ONE CLUB IN IT.

STEVEN SPIELBERG - never quite hit the heights of The Goonies ever again, and it looks like he knows it.

'No, sorry Bob, you don't look anything like GEORGE W. BUSH'. 'What if I stand in front of this flag?' 'You're hired'.


This could be any scallywag on his way to a court case. As it is, its a GEORGE MICHAEL look-a-like. Probably on his way to a court case. For impersonating a celebrity. Badly.


ELTON JOHN - Dear God.


The rosette! The tie! It could only be one person! Yes, that's right, its Neil Kinnock! Except, it says here its supposed to be TONY BLAIR.

LOVEJOY - presumably after a night out on the sauce with Tinker. Where he SWAPPED HIS FACE for more booze.

'Top Gun 2020' proved to be the end of TOM CRUISE'S acting career. Not helped by the fact that the costume department couldn't decide whether he was going to play a British policeman or a chef.

So there we are. Now you can play 'Crap Look-a-likes' from the comfort of your own laptop.