Don't mug me off

There's a story in the news today about a woman who was arrested in Paris for throwing a mug at the Mona Lisa. She'd purchased the vessel in the Louvre giftshop just minutes before, and hurled it at the priceless painting, only to see it bounce of the specially made bullet-proof (and clearly mug-proof) glass.

Now, in the olden days this lady would have been dubbed a 'vandal', or perhaps more crudely, a 'nutter', and kindly asked to leave the museum and to stop being so careless with her crockery.

But it seems this lady is thought to be suffering from a condition known as Stendhal Syndrome. The news article describes it as 'a medical condition that prompts sane individuals to lose control of their actions suddenly and defame a work of art.' According to the world's most reliable information source, Wikipedia, Stendhal Syndrome is 'a psychosomatic illness that causes rapid heartbeat, dizziness, confusion and even hallucinations when an individual is exposed to art'.

Right.

So, let me get this straight. We are to believe that this woman saw the Mona Lisa, thought it so beautiful that she suddenly and involuntarily entered the gift shop, chose from a selection of mugs (no doubt printed with the legend 'I HEART DA VINCI'), queued for several minutes to purchase it, and then proceeded to lob it at Mona's smirking face. Hmm. I'm not so sure.

Nevertheless, Stendhal Syndrome is a recognised problem. Which got me thinking, if we can blame porcelain-based yobbery on a medical condition, what other strange ailments are out there? Well...

Foreign accent syndrome (FAS) is a speech disorder that causes sudden changes in speech pattern, intonation and pronunciation so that the victim is perceived to speak with a "foreign" accent. FAS usually results from severe trauma to the brain, such as a stroke or head injury, and typically develops within one or two years of the injury. You know that outrageously French guy who goes to the same coffee shop as you? His name is Dave Smith, he's originally from Barking, and 3 years ago he had a very nasty accident.

Sexsomnia is a sleep disorder that, much like sleepwalking, compels the sufferer to engage in sexual activity while asleep. Incredibly, sexsomnia has since been cited to acquit defendants accused of sexual assault in British and Canadian criminal cases.

Genital retraction syndrome (GRS) is a mental condition prevalent in specific cultures that causes sufferers to believe that their external genitals are shrinking or slowly disappearing into their bodies. A fine excuse. 'I swear love, it was bigger the last time I looked.'

Pica is a compulsion to eat non-edible objects. Sufferers have been known to consume paper, dirt, paint, hair, glue, rocks, lint and laundry detergent. Basically what toddlers do then.

Alice In Wonderland Syndrome is a neurological condition that causes distorted visuals that make objects appear either much smaller (micropsia) or larger (macropsia) than they are. Sufferers are prescribed a copy of 'Binocular use for Dummies'.

Sufferers of Walking Corpse Syndrome, also known as the Cotard delusion, believe that they are dead, decaying or have lost body parts or internal organs. Sounds like every single hangover I've ever had.


Wikipedia also says of Stendhal Syndrome; 'The syndrome was first diagnosed in 1982. The term is often used when describing the reactions of audiences to music of the Romantic period.' That's the Romantic Period of Haydn, Beethoven and Mozart.

Not to be confused then with Spandau Ballet Syndrome, first diagnosed at around the same time, where sufferers suddenly and involuntarily donned make up and androgynous clothing upon hearing heavily synth-led pop songs, written as a direct backlash against the aus­terity of the punk movement.