Its an exciting time at The House of Tim. As I mentioned in a previous post, one of my housemates has recently left Bristol to persue a career in London. This means we have a spare room that we have to fill, unless I and Other Tim forego non-essential luxuries like food and clothing in order to pay the council tax. To this end, a very attractive looking advert was placed on Gumtree yesterday evening. With pictures and everything.
I get a very strange, perverse pleasure out of this sort of thing. I've advertised a room on Gumtree before, and we had about a dozen people come and look around the flat. There's something about having the power to decide whether someone gets to live somewhere or not that's just...well, its just fun. Management types must get this every time they interview candidates for a job. 'Why do you think you are suitable to share the same living space as me? Hmm? WRONG ANSWER. You FAILED, and will forever remain homeless...now, GET OUT'. Maybe its just me.
We have very straightforward criteria for our potential housemate. He or she must be a professional, someone who is neat and tidy, but most importantly of all, someone who can see the simple pleasure in occasionally eating a whole bag of onion rings while watching old episodes of Red Dwarf.
As with advertising for a job, the judgement starts before we even meet the candidates. In the same way your new career can fly or die on the strength, or weakness, of your CV, the email you send in reply to the Gumtree advert is very important. Come across as too serious, too 'wacky', or too much like a pyromaniacal sociopath, and there's a good chance you'll find yourself in the 'Deleted Items' folder.
We've had one reply already. This person works in a 'Sports and Activities Department', enjoys competing in triathlons, and is looking at taking up kayaking next. My immediate thought is of a man who is never out of a pair of shorts two sizes too small for him, who would insist on filling the flat with bikes, wetsuits and various other activity sports paraphernalia, while living off guarana bars and energy drinks and listening to the caterwauling of the likes of Alanis Morrisette. I could be reading too much in to this.
Either way, I doubt this man will fit in with the 'Onion rings/Red Dwarf' mentality of The House of Tim. So for now, the search continues...
3 comments:
Surely your primary criterion is that the person should be called Tim, or whatever the female equivalent is.
Surely the overiding consideration is that the third person should be a woman...it's a NO BRAINER, isn't it? Do you need me to spell out why?
Sounds to me like you WANT him to walk around in tiny shorts...
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