She opened her eyes, looked square in to mine, and said 'Oh, hello darling'. And, as she reached out for me to put my hand in hers, I could have cried.
After I'd almost given up hope of ever hearing her utter another lucid sentence, this one simple greeting meant the world. I asked her if she was OK, but she had already slipped back in to unconsciousness before the words left my mouth. The moment was gone. But it happened, and that's all that matters.
I went to visit my father today. Partly because I wanted to see my Dad, and partly to get out of the house. We see so many visitors these days that I swear we're giving the entire population of China a run for its money in the tea drinking stakes. Its nice that people call, but sometimes it seems there's hardly five minutes in the day for Mamgu to sit down and rest.
Dad's been brilliant. He and Mum have been divorced for some time now, but they were married for almost twenty years before that. To be with someone for that amount of time means that, whatever may have happened since, you still have love for the other person. He's also been through something similar recently with his own Dad. Those memories, his feelings for Mum, and worrying about me means it can't be easy for him either. But he's always been on the end of the phone, making sure I'm alright, and he had an extra big hug for me today. And a Christmas present too, which always goes down well.
I wouldn't say I've learned much over the last few days, but I would say that certain things I already knew have been re-enforced.
Firstly, friends and family are the most important thing in the whole world, and you should cherish them because you'll never know when you might need them, and one day they'll be gone.
Secondly, no matter how bad things get, a nice cup of tea will always make it slightly better.
And thirdly, there is very little quality on television during the day. Believe me, there's only so many back-to-back feature length episodes of Columbo you can watch before you start to go insane.
4 comments:
I know exactly what you are going through Tim, I was closely involved with the care of both my parents through terminal cancer.
Stay strong buddy, especially for your Nan - but never be afraid to unload your feelings, as harbouring them up can be so destructive in the long run.
Hi Tim,
I won't tell you how many tears I've shed over your blog, Tim, but I just want to say, do speak with us if you need to. We're thinking of you all the time.
Also, if you're bored with Columbo, Mamgu's able to have a rest and you have an hour free, do call in and see us. Your real bravery can only be tested by eating yet more of my bloody awful crumpets!
Hang in there mate, you know where we are if you need us.
Much love. x
I'm sending you and your family all my love Tim. Maybe a bit of Greenclaws or Rude Dog to break up Columbo? xxx
been reading this while BAing for Jason on the sunday show and having a really hard time holding it together to talk to callers...
I've been wanting to leave a comment for a few days just to kind of say... you know 'keep your chin up' or something but anything like that just seems too trite and empty, there is something my dad says at times like this that I feel is worth repeating.
you don't 'have' to hold it together, you don't 'have' to keep your chin up. Sometimes the best thing to do is break down.
we've got some hard times this christmas, Ali's Gran, who we previously thought of as indestructable is in a stoke induced coma and we have decided against prolonging her life with a feeding tube.
As you may or not know Ali's mum has been in a nursing home for several years and ali's gran used to look after her a lot. Every year we lose Ali's mum a little more, to be honest theres not a whole lot left. That moment you described... Ali would kill for that. We live for smiles, and glances and sighs.
I don't know man. it's so strange when things like this happen. sometimes you just feel num and you don't know why, sometimes you'll be laughing about something and then just burst into tears.
I have no advice except to muddle through as best you can. So you know, keep your chin up and have the best christmas you can.
Dann
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